bad omen

Recently I have encountered  many failures! it started just before the final exams and by the time I was curing my skin problem I went to an enormous   stress which destroyed me! I met the girl I loved right before the loading exam and she ignored me and that exam destroyed!! I cheated!! That girl ignored me in the stairway! my hair loss accelerated! My skin started to come to it's original state! My friends started to avoid me! I was in stress after exams too!I went to a huge contemplating I thought that maybe I'm not myself I live others! Maybe it's because of my guilt Maybe it's because I thought God would lead me through it! i thought maybe I should wait! I thought I should try harder for world! i thought maybe I should be more rational  I thought maybe we are machines!

Times when I felt comfortable were these:

1. by the installation exam I thought I should be more myself and not ask at exam and not think of how others do it!

2. by the time I thought I should wait and good things happened after that about being yourself and accept your loneliness and also not ask for others' help!

3.by the time in the metro entrance when I thought this events was(is) a punishment!

4.