می دانم این ها ربطی به او ندارد و اشتباهات خودمه که رنج تولید کرده... نباید به اون نسبت بدم.
خدایا از اینکه کسی غیر از تو متوجه رنجم شود بیزارم رنجم را بپوشان بگذار با عزت تحمل کنمش
تقاضای کمک نمی کنم چون مرا پر توقع میکند.
Recently I have encountered many failures! it started just before the final exams and by the time I was curing my skin problem I went to an enormous stress which destroyed me! I met the girl I loved right before the loading exam and she ignored me and that exam destroyed!! I cheated!! That girl ignored me in the stairway! my hair loss accelerated! My skin started to come to it's original state! My friends started to avoid me! I was in stress after exams too!I went to a huge contemplating I thought that maybe I'm not myself I live others! Maybe it's because of my guilt Maybe it's because I thought God would lead me through it! i thought maybe I should wait! I thought I should try harder for world! i thought maybe I should be more rational I thought maybe we are machines!
Times when I felt comfortable were these:
1. by the installation exam I thought I should be more myself and not ask at exam and not think of how others do it!
2. by the time I thought I should wait and good things happened after that about being yourself and accept your loneliness and also not ask for others' help!
3.by the time in the metro entrance when I thought this events was(is) a punishment!