my first poem in english

I shouldn’t obliterate the time! Any contradiction hinders! I have to put them together.

I’m addicted to this time! OK! I don’t want to suppress you! Just another time will be beside you!

 

Don’t be against your forces

Or you will lose your horses

Never look for past

Nothing for ever last

For the light we should cry

The moon is shining time to defy

You have to cross the clouds

This time the law allows

Conquer the moon for earth

Give the death a new breath

Evade the time contradiction

Go to your prediction

You will find the way

Even it is far away

Enjoy your enemy’s victory

This is the art of history

Live with the pain that suffers

Finally you will see it offers:

Let me hide behind the shadow

Give the chance to the sparrow

But let that crow speak

Till you find it sneak

You will find the way

Even it is far away

 

 

 

 

 

site

I have arrived to this (a station:)) that I shouldn’t sink my soul parts in the case of external conflicts I mean if I have a leg pain it is ridiculous to cut it . We have to forbear and carry our burden.

 “Always we understand but sometime we don’t understand that we understand”

Writing desultory is a good method as Niche did.

S.R today totally destroyed me by 2 events:1. Konkur 2. Materials laboratory

M.M also won’t be mine… but I love…

Maybe that person doesn’t love me and it is a matter of their sickness but surly there is a minimum degree of love.   

Wordlist 8

World from word

This is extremly meek to be in high horse

Never lose conspicuity

Never be legible to others

Never hate your enemy

Be sly and have ingeuity

Dont be faint hearted

Never mind your complexion

Always take yourself as good omen

Fight the enemy where they aren't

Loathe the gossip

Never go to rehearsal

Detention beacase of insubordibation and defience

Bunny is a meter maid

Eat mango instead of apple it is better company or comput!

Listen to your delux version of voice

I hate the vice and vice presidents

Veil or curtain?

Gin or jean?

Consequent or consiquence?

Doomed to be dumb in order to refrain from being dumb

Discompoture or disturbance?

Do you avail my need?

Keep questioning your quest!

Remeber your contract and dont revoke it!No tranquility!

Elude or evade?

Cock or cockroach?

Deaf blind dumb

Looking for the silence!

Today was virtually good I could have self-control. I went out without hands free. I didn’t comment on the classes! Concrete TA, although I had questions (steel in slab, maximum steel ratio) but I wait till I asked them privately. Structural analysis TA, again although I wanted to ask about the assessment but I defied the desire. Also I could somehow forbear looking at the mirror. Also I could shift through delusion to reality several times. I admit that s.s is an intelligent man according his silence for chatterers!  

I tasted the joy of wrecking the ego and having hope for God!

I hope my Lord helps me in surveillance of my ego and finally obliterate it.

I hope my lord helps me deciphering the code of unity.

I’m again ashamed

God has again done me a favor; he has resolved my recent problem.it ended beautifully by K1 starting to post in telegram and I considered it as a good omen. I should be gracious and I am. It means I should be more earnest in the battle against my ego. I felt two things very rigorously: 1. Patience 2. Ego I don’t want to discuss in detail but I understood that I should be patient in problems and this can turn it to benefit. Also I understood that I shouldn’t feed my and others ego too! Because the devils are with each other as the God’s lions are!   

happiness

You know sometimes I go to a ponder other people attitude toward their circumstance and world.

I think some people are naturally happy for example eh.b, IT students, Dr.shat, Dr.naz,… whereas I think I’m not! One of the main reason can be biology because my father and mother are not such happy!

A probable reason of happiness can be freedom but all of them are free? Are they really happy or they just having the face?

Anyway I shouldn’t lose myself and must accept myself as what I am and what I want to be really, not fake. I don’t mean closing the eyes to world but anything which is perceived should be internalized first and I should see it with my eye! I’m different from others.

I’m not myself! I have many chains. Every thought are my enemy! Can’t I let everything away for a while?! Whole idea of freedom,happiness,paradox,love,.. cannot be dumped for a while?  Am I right in following my thoughts? Isn’t it real freedom to let them away?

I should confess that I went to this sensation by hearing about my old classmates, maybe it recalled me my thought’s vanity.

Another point that should be mentioned is that I’m totally capable of changing mood!

It is very stupid to put yourself in others point of view, it has happened for myself that after passing a stage and seeing from vantage point my idea was totally different from when I wasn’t in that point.

What’s the benefit of regret? If there is any benefit it is not the way I think! It is more practical and it’s not something to be said in words!

غم یا اندوه؟؟

I feel better now, thank God. I just found the difference between the two familiar words alluding sorrow. The first word is “Gham” and the second is “Andooooh” as in pronunciations, you should understand the difference! (العاقل یکفیه الاشاره)

It’s very interesting for me that sorrow strengthens my back; it happened both in my mental collapse in case of Amir’s attack and today after dispute! maybe it's because of unloading:) 

This makes me to think that maybe a sort of sorrow should be with me forever!

It is not the purpose but it works for cleaning.

Pray

From recent events:  1.M.G    2.family dispute   

I concluded that I should pray and also it will have practical benefits on my profane life at least! I don’t reckon on other virtues that probably exist.

One major problem is this: Is it hypocrisy? Am I phony? (Absolutely! Because I want to call the GodJ )

One thing that is indisputable is that I have to be rogue otherwise it will get worse and I should see the other side! Everything is not rosy there! There is hypocrisy there, there is filth there, and there is trap there!

Let’s see what will happen if I start praying at uni:

1.       I will be on a high horse!

2.       Mokhlesses will come for me!

3.       Anyway I’m not a full Muslim and praying is an incarnation for it and may cause others to think more about what I am. And it’s clear that I have the faculty of vanity.

4.       There would be political impression over it.

5.       It will show me holy and pure whereas  I’m dirty!

OK, as I mentioned I have to be rogue! I will start praying experimentally and discretely and if God helps discreetly tooJ . If Lord wanted it I will continue!

“Anyway he is predator and I’m prey and preys must prayJ”

Cry

I’m afraid of not crying! With all this faults and filths it’s impossible to laugh! I really should take it serious!

The fucking ego is alive and I mustn’t let him assemble his army!

 I suddenly got angry! I have to calm down

Lord! help me!

You’ve helped before and I’m sure you will do it again! I’m weak but I want to do something in your way!

Resolve this please!

You are my only support!

جان تو شاه جهان، رحم نما چون شهان

بر دل مجروح من، بر تن بیمار من

Still in prison!

It’s an awful situation! I’m trapped and imprisoned by myself or I don’t know…!

I really don’t know what to do. I’m baffled! I’m extremely fucked up.

I have those fucking damn imaginations again I’m lost!

How to escape?

Thoughts thoughts thoughts … what does it do? How to get to action? And most important what action? The action I seek!

How to overcome the hurdles that are hurtling?

Suddenly I saw an advertisement which had this quote: “For being mature just don’t go out of oven”. It was somehow wise! But what’s the connection to my latter issue? Anyway am I angry? It crazy but yes! Just a few minutes ago I wanted to hit the wall J ! So should I dwell in anger against my ego?

Also I should be aware of making up!

I will take it for granted and won’t contemplate it.

There is a cold relation between me and Hafez! Maybe because I’m fake! Or because he doesn’t want to take me from hole to well. Anyway he is rogue!

So the upshot is to be determinant and earnest in the battle!