چهارشنبه, ۲۵ مرداد ۱۳۹۶، ۱۲:۰۳ ق.ظ
I’m filled with stress now (I couldn’t eat)! I think another chaos is coming. I beg my lord to help me! I’m weak I’m very weak! If it happens to that chaos happen again I will be shattered!! It can fuck my recently gained faith!
Implicitly I tried to make this as pretext to my manner toward “them”, whispering that it won’t be fair to judge people and also imagining that in the site(the location were my reputation destroyed) I’m preaching this for them!
Today seeing M.M from window gave me joy because it was a showing off!!
I went to park and spoke to my father and I think it was useful! I wish the chaos has been disappeared.
This thought that apple doesn’t fall from tree makes me as I see my father’s filths very anxious!
There are some papers with my participating in the graduation:
First, my rank in Konkur was a shame and it hurts me, maybe if I had a better rank I would then be more comfortable with people! Second, I had issues with some people. Third, it’s about the beauty! Forth, unknown issues may arise (e.g. flubs).
عیب می جمله بگفتی هنرش نیز بگو:
1. It can bring me happiness especially if it comes with success.
2. I can learn a lot from this experience!
3. I won’t regret in future about not having any memorial!
Should I really abstain from participating?
If I accept the drawbacks and prepare myself for facing them there will be 2 states: 1. I’ve made myself so strong that I can defeat the passivity, 2. I’m not prepared for that so passivity defeats me! But what happens? At most it has a pain that I’ll bear!
It’s better to participate (if the initial condition was OK )! But just for the sake of satisfying the need and get some experience, it would be better not to overreact!
یا رب از ابر هدایت برسان بارانی ...