I feel better now, thank God. I just found the difference between the two familiar words alluding sorrow. The first word is “Gham” and the second is “Andooooh” as in pronunciations, you should understand the difference! (العاقل یکفیه الاشاره)
It’s very interesting for me that sorrow strengthens my back; it happened both in my mental collapse in case of Amir’s attack and today after dispute! maybe it's because of unloading:)
This makes me to think that maybe a sort of sorrow should be with me forever!
It is not the purpose but it works for cleaning.